Category Scientists

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:

“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written anything at all.

His answer consisted of two w...

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A scientist approaches God, and says to Him, “Look, God, we don’t need you anymore. Nowadays, we can do all sorts of things that used to be considered miraculous. We can transplant organs, giving new life to a dying man, we can cure almost any disease, and we can even clone animals. It won’t be long, and we’ll be able to clone humans, too. So, I’m sorry, but you are just outdated”.

God listens patiently to the scientist and says, “I can see that you believe you don’t need me, and I understand. However, I love you, and I don’t want to see you make a big mistake, so why don’t we make sure? I say we should have a man-making contest, just to be sure.”

The scientist replies, “I’ll take that challenge”.

So, God says, “Ok, let’s do it the way I did it in the old days, with Ad...

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Dean, to the physics department. “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn’t you be like the math department – all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.”

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Chemist’s Bad Day

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire...

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Not long after Albert Einstein (1879-1955) fled from Nazi Germany, one hundred German professors published a book (One Hundred Authors Against Einstein) condemning his theory of relativity. “If I were wrong,” Einstein said in response, “one professor would have been enough.”

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